Monday, November 8, 2010

A man dies and goes to ...

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".
"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"
GOD says, "So you would like them."
"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"
GOD says, "So they would love you!"

Einstein dies and goes to heaven....

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,?You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go tosneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are??Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, ?Could I have a blackboard and some chalk??Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.Saint Peter is suitably impressed. ?You really ARE Einstein!? he says. ?Welcometo heaven!?The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, ?Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk??Saint Peter says, ?Go ahead.? Picasso erases Einstein`s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a fewstrokes of chalk.Saint Peter claps. ?Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!? he says. ?Come on in!?Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head andsays, ?Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours??George W. looks bewildered and says, ?Who are Einstein and Picasso??Saint Peter sighs and says, ?Come on in, George.?

A soldier, a marine, and an airman ...

A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, ?WhichBranch of Service is the best??St. Peter replied, ?I can`t answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.?Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find theanswer.Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter`s shoulder. The dove was carrying a note inits beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows:?Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ?Honorable and Noble?. Each oneof you has served your country well. Be proud of that.(signed)GOD, USN (Ret.)?

A man arrived at the gates ...

A man arrived at the gates of Heaven.St. Peter asked, "Religion?"The man said, "Methodist."St. Peter looked down his list and said," Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."Another man arrived at the gates of Heaven."Religion?""Catholic.""Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."A third man arrived at the gates."Religion?""Jewish.""Go to Room 11 but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."The man said, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass Room 8?"St. Peter told him, "Well, the Baptists are in Room 8, and they think they`re the only ones here."

Two old men had been ...

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90`s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they`re reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man`s friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there`s baseball in heaven."The dying man said, "We`ve been friends for years, this I`ll do for you." And then he dies.A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend`s voice. The voice says, "I`ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there`s baseball in heaven.""What`s the bad news?""You`re pitching on Wednesday."